"Just like riding a bike"

I've discovered in the last 4 years that bike riding is a very liberating feeling. I don't use headphones so there's often just the rhythmic sound of the wheels and the trees around me. Yes there's traffic, but that's comforting because it means I'm not alone.

So now I'll come clean, I don't ride a bike. I ride a trike. A huge 3 wheel contraption that weighs 25kg and I can only ride to and from my house because of it. I can't pop it on the roof of the car and take it somewhere to ride somewhere different. I'm a giant mouse on a wheel, or to be precise 3 wheels.  I get odd looks from some who think a fit healthy person should be on 2 wheels - like a "normal" person. I get surprised comments when I get off and they find I'm not disabled.  I do get some compliments about how cool it is. And I do genuinely love riding it and I'm very grateful to have it.

But why a bloody trike????????

Simple, I can't ride a bike.  Now most people can't understand this concept. It's a rite of passage. "Everyone knows how to" is the common remark.  Well I don't!  Why?

And now I'm back to my favourite narcissist. No I don't blame every problem I have on this person, but I'm seeing that I should have been stronger, should have communicated with other people better, and should have trusted those close to me with the "secrets" of my childhood.  But it's hard. It's incredibly hard when you literally don't trust even your own flesh and blood not to take everything you say back to that person who's hurt you. They would 100% mean well, and be doing it with my best intentions. And not knowing they were but flying monkeys for that circus of narcissism and that every morsel of information would eventually come back to hurt me.

But I digress.  Bike riding!

As a small child I had a trike, and I loved it.  All the usual bits of putting teddies and dolls in the back of it, and riding up and down the pathway. Never further in case I got hurt.  No actually in case they lost their favourite possession.  I can see that now. But not then.  The neighbourhood grew into bikes, and riding to school and having fun. Not me. Always out of concern for my safety, well that's what was said.  I remember being told my Dad couldn't ride one either, and he embarrassed them by riding a bike like others would ride a scooter.  He was in his 30's and never had the opportunity to learn due to war. But he was gutsy enough to give it a shot and do it his way.

So I wasn't allowed to play on friends bikes, and wasn't allowed to have one. There was an unhealthy and unreasonable fear installed in me not to touch one or I might hurt myself. So what happens to a child who is discouraged from exercising for fear of injury, and whose only bond with that parent is eating? They get FAT!  Simple mathematics really. 

It wasn't just bike riding though. School was a whole 200m from home!  1 road to cross. No I was driven to school, then picked up and taken home for lunch, then driven back and then picked up.  Is it any wonder I loved it when she worked and I could walk? When my gran would be waiting there with open arms to welcome me to the house? I'm not even sure why this scenario began, probably due to her insecurities about being older and fatter than the contemporary mums at the school, and I became the "blankie" to protect her.  The result for me - lack of exercise, poor food, lack of social bonding and age appropriate skills, and becoming a victim of bullying and teasing. All of those things kept the cycle going so that I became more and more isolated from my friends.  Interestingly in the days of social media I have reconnected with all of them.

Other sports?  I'm trying to keep this post on track.  I was tall and big, and couldn't run.  So I enjoyed netball and basketball as I could play guard and still be part of the team.  No, not allowed, for some reason never articulated.  Tennis?  My God I hate tennis!  Let's put a big girl in a tight white dress and make her run!  So, why tennis?  Her sport she had excelled in, that those trophy spoons could be royally gloated over and my failures exemplified. 

To grow normal, healthy, happy adults we have to give children social bonding opportunities with kids their own age. We have to give them sporting opportunities to learn team skills, fitness and fun.  We have to connect fitness with long term health. We have to take off the trainer wheels so they feel a sense of achievement in their life.

To want and to actively create opportunities for weight gain, social isolation, fear, lack of self-confidence, pride and achievement is really a sign of a sick mind in the adult who wants that for their child. They can blame everyone else around them but it's their fault. They can use every flying monkey in their circus to enhance their point and their position of strength, but they are responsible.

And, their victim is not responsible. We are the ones left to deal with the after affects, to feel socially awkward even with the closest friends and family, to lack trust and belief in ourselves and others. We can rise above it, but the workload is exhausting.