Love It

 Today marks a year in a very special relationship in my life.  While it's normal to celebrate a birthday, and I am very much celebrating that birthday; this has been a year of a new relationship with myself. I'm celebrating that too. A year ago I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to love this person because of one single 3 letter word. How incredibly stupid is that? But I was absolutely terrified. I'll explain. That 3 letter word represented, and to a certain extent still does represent a truck load of negative emotions. That word belongs to a relationship that was based entirely on transactional love not unconditional love. I wanted unconditional, but I got transactional. And by it's nature that is not love. I've learned that this past year where I have processed so much of my past and laid the groundwork for my future. That 3 letter word represented pain, frustration, anger, distrust, failure, fear, hurt, shame, and in varying degrees every other negative...

 I have been asked to do something I don't want to do. It's because of what's in my head. I don't know how to show someone what's inside my head. That's what trauma is you see. It's inside the head. Nobody can see it. A physical injury or trauma leaves a scar which tells a story which in turn needs no explanation. You see a bent and twisted, scarred and marred leg and if the person is quite jovial and engaged you can even make a joke. We've all seen it done.  "Bet there's a story behind that one mate!" "Well yes my friend there is, want to hear about it?" The ensuing conversation can take different pathways. The scarred one could make up a brilliant story of a shark wearing a beanie carrying a golf stick and chances are that because the wound is so visible, the listener will believe it! The answer is often "You should see the other bloke". Why? Because a visible scar is just that. Visible.  No explanation needed, we can ...