Love It

I love this quote because the reality of it has hit me very hard in recent days. Even at my age, the child in me still believes it has no rights, that its feelings are wrong and that they are judged harshly for how some things affect them. I have never told the full story of my childhood because I'm still a child. I still have a living, breathing parent and I have no siblings to validate or to share my lived experience. To have an only child and to create such havoc in an emotional storm for all these decades must surely equate to winning the game. Right?  News just to hand and a conversation about what it means to be given a name has just set off a series of after shocks that while I know I will recover from are currently causing some enormous mental tidal waves. A name? How can such a small thing create such a huge issue in someone who is not even remotely involved in the decision? How can nobody who knows you so well even pick up on these devastating effects? And why is t...

So what's the difference between what & what?  Which & Who? Why & Why Not? Today is a day that has had me wondering for quite a while. Today my dearest friend would have been 60 years old. But he's not here any more. He died. Well to be precise he ended his life.  I'll get to that. I made gingernut biscuits for his 19th birthday. Why? I don't know really.  I was 12 almost 13 and this family I had heard about all my life were coming for afternoon tea.  My grandma's best friend, with her daughter and her grandson.  Big age gap at that point in time. I loved cooking and I was helping. Well avoiding toxic fumes from a narcissistic relative but I didn't know that at the time. This larger than life, kinder than kind person graced us with his presence along with the rest of his family. We sat squished into a tiny living room (60's houses were not huge). All 3 generations. All 8 people. We had afternoon tea and this human and I watched the older ...

Recently I've seen a challenging difference in the workforce and the community that has caused me to question the difference between ethics and ego. Can we have both? Or are they mutually exclusive? I believe that good leaders create great leaders. If you are mentoring and teaching in an effective way, you will actually be the cocoon in which that beautiful butterfly grows its wings and flies strongly off into the unknown. The greatest compliment you will receive from that butterfly will come in the form of other butterflies you meet in your flights and journeys. They will say "Do you know x? They said you were the biggest influence on their life". What a great thing for anyone to say!  That you were a great influence. That's ethics. Ethics are a great influence. Ethics are the small voices in your head that says you should let that butterfly grow, develop and fly free. Ethics say that if you lose that butterfly from your tree they will take the pollen to another ...

This week the sad news arrived that the Queen had died. She was regal and elegant, beautiful and proud. The Queen was a spectacular beauty, who rose to the throne not because of her parentage but because of her beauty and personality. She fitted the bill. She had the right size and shape, the right markings and showed a good temperament. She was the Chosen one. Imagine being the Chosen One and the Queen rolled into one beautiful body with a personality that shined bright like a diamond.  Who could not love the Queen? The Queen then did her duty for many years. She was a beautiful mum to her babies. These little ones went on to give joy, love and hope to many many people.  Sadly some of her babies won't grow up to remember her beauty, her warmth and the intimate feel of her.  They have been denied the physical bond of her feeding them, cleaning them and cuddling them. Don't worry they are in great hands, it's just that they are missing her for who she was. The ...

I'm needed. Not needy.  There's a huge difference. Let me explain. As a child of geriatric grandparents I was needed to fulfill domestic duties beyond their capabilities. A lost childhood in many ways.  With 70 years gap between me and my grandparents, there was a need to be a good girl, a need to pick things up, a need to clean and a need to garden.  I didn't resent this though, they were phenomenal people who paid me back a million times over in support and kindness. In practical terms too by teaching, guiding, training and making things for me. No regrets, just love. Then as the child of geriatric parents I had to undertake a whole pile of domestic duties. I was given a hand-drill for my 10th birthday by a  neighbour as he didn't feel it right I should be using power tools to undertake maintenance on the family home.  I got a sewing machine too.  Painting, sewing, cooking, cleaning and tidying up after those who either couldn't or wouldn't.  All...

This week there will be a milestone event in my family. I remember planning, and being so excited for the same age event back in 1988. It was huge. The lady in question then was loved and admired by everyone without exception. She was almost saintly, but with a wicked sense of humour and a love and zest for life that spanned her entire life. She was generous, kind, supportive, enthusiastic and full of praise for those around her. She conducted Random Acts of Kindness before we had a buzz word for it. There were gifts aplenty!  In her typical style she wrote a list of them and who gave them to her so she could acknowledge them all individually.  I kept the list. I value her administration skills and her care of those who gave to her. I even have the jewellery I gave her for that special occasion.  I am grateful that I know what it is like to celebrate that milestone birthday and to this day I remember how great it was. And now here we are almost 30 years later and here...

Every person fears those words. It's hardly ever used for happy things, and they tend to be the start of a life changing conversation. In recent times there has been so much said about marriage equality, and the rights of every person to be married to the person they love.  The law is not just about the right to marry as there are few legal benefits to the institution, and it's an institution with more holes than Swiss cheese.  I've heard every  argument for and against, and I remain convinced by the argument for. That's my choice. Choices are what we make to create change, to have decisions, to pass laws and to get on with the job. We have choices that define us as people, but our fundamental core is not a choice. Call it DNA, call it programming, genetic ancestry, whatever title we give it we have no choice in it.  I didn't choose to be half-Slovak. I didn't choose to have red hair and green eyes. And, I didn't choose to be straight. Imagine that?  ...