So what's the difference?
So what's the difference between what & what? Which & Who? Why & Why Not?
Today is a day that has had me wondering for quite a while.
Today my dearest friend would have been 60 years old. But he's not here any more. He died. Well to be precise he ended his life. I'll get to that.
I made gingernut biscuits for his 19th birthday. Why? I don't know really. I was 12 almost 13 and this family I had heard about all my life were coming for afternoon tea. My grandma's best friend, with her daughter and her grandson. Big age gap at that point in time. I loved cooking and I was helping. Well avoiding toxic fumes from a narcissistic relative but I didn't know that at the time.
This larger than life, kinder than kind person graced us with his presence along with the rest of his family. We sat squished into a tiny living room (60's houses were not huge). All 3 generations. All 8 people. We had afternoon tea and this human and I watched the older generations catching up on 50 years of friendship while we began our own.
The next 5 years of life continued with countless more events like this. I met his sister and saw her family grow up. I knitted for her children. We went to family events, concerts, lunches, birthday parties, church youth groups even. I met his friends who I think wondered why he was friends with a girl so much younger than him. But they trusted his judgement, and we trusted each other and we rolled on until it came time for me to go. I moved a long way from home base. He stayed in home base.
He was a carer in every sense of the word. He did things for his family that I never would have been capable of doing. Eventually they had to return the favour.
I never moved back to where he lived. We talked, wrote, made phone calls and visited every opportunity we had. He met someone I dated, he didn't approve. He met the love of my life and told him in crystal clear terms what was expected of him. Over decades we shared the love of my life as they grew to be best friends too.
But I wasn't a best friend, or a friend, in more ways than I could count, we were soul mates.
I believe there is a difference between a soul mate and the love of your life. The love of your life may not always understand you, may not always be there, some days may not even like you. But there is a passion, a fire, a lust and a commitment there that will endure. I have the love of my life. He's not here right now, but that doesn't make any difference. He's not the man I met, and he's not going to be the man there at the end of our lives together. But I have loved every man he's been and I will love every man he will be. Because he's the love of my life.
But my friend, my soul mate, that was different. We talked. We talked a lot. Often we didn't need to. There was just a look, a glance and an understanding that went so far beyond conversation. We knew each others stories, secrets, thoughts and dreams. The things we never shared with anyone else. That was our realm and nobody else needed to be in there. We cared for the deepest innermost parts of each other with a gratitude and honesty that is rarely found.
I look very different to the person he used to see. His death taught me that the lifestyle and routine we shared (food addiction not any wild 60's images please) was going to lead me to the same outcome as him if I didn't change. My surgeon warned me of complications, of the need for corrective surgery and the weight loss I could expect. I answered him with the firm knowledge that my "Hairy Guardian Angel" would take care of it. I was right. 80kg, no corrective surgery and no complications.
What I would give to see my friend, to have one of his big bear hugs and to hear his laugh again! But as he was my soul mate, the gifts he gave to me still keep giving. I am healthier than I have ever been thanks to him. I have the love of my life still by my side thanks to him. I have amazing family & friends that I can say are thanks to him because he taught me how to be a friend.
Today I am sad. I miss him. I will always love him, not as the love of my life, but as my soul mate.
To not declare that would be to not honour him. So my friend "To thine ownself be true"
Today is a day that has had me wondering for quite a while.
Today my dearest friend would have been 60 years old. But he's not here any more. He died. Well to be precise he ended his life. I'll get to that.
I made gingernut biscuits for his 19th birthday. Why? I don't know really. I was 12 almost 13 and this family I had heard about all my life were coming for afternoon tea. My grandma's best friend, with her daughter and her grandson. Big age gap at that point in time. I loved cooking and I was helping. Well avoiding toxic fumes from a narcissistic relative but I didn't know that at the time.
This larger than life, kinder than kind person graced us with his presence along with the rest of his family. We sat squished into a tiny living room (60's houses were not huge). All 3 generations. All 8 people. We had afternoon tea and this human and I watched the older generations catching up on 50 years of friendship while we began our own.
The next 5 years of life continued with countless more events like this. I met his sister and saw her family grow up. I knitted for her children. We went to family events, concerts, lunches, birthday parties, church youth groups even. I met his friends who I think wondered why he was friends with a girl so much younger than him. But they trusted his judgement, and we trusted each other and we rolled on until it came time for me to go. I moved a long way from home base. He stayed in home base.
He was a carer in every sense of the word. He did things for his family that I never would have been capable of doing. Eventually they had to return the favour.
I never moved back to where he lived. We talked, wrote, made phone calls and visited every opportunity we had. He met someone I dated, he didn't approve. He met the love of my life and told him in crystal clear terms what was expected of him. Over decades we shared the love of my life as they grew to be best friends too.
But I wasn't a best friend, or a friend, in more ways than I could count, we were soul mates.
I believe there is a difference between a soul mate and the love of your life. The love of your life may not always understand you, may not always be there, some days may not even like you. But there is a passion, a fire, a lust and a commitment there that will endure. I have the love of my life. He's not here right now, but that doesn't make any difference. He's not the man I met, and he's not going to be the man there at the end of our lives together. But I have loved every man he's been and I will love every man he will be. Because he's the love of my life.
But my friend, my soul mate, that was different. We talked. We talked a lot. Often we didn't need to. There was just a look, a glance and an understanding that went so far beyond conversation. We knew each others stories, secrets, thoughts and dreams. The things we never shared with anyone else. That was our realm and nobody else needed to be in there. We cared for the deepest innermost parts of each other with a gratitude and honesty that is rarely found.
I look very different to the person he used to see. His death taught me that the lifestyle and routine we shared (food addiction not any wild 60's images please) was going to lead me to the same outcome as him if I didn't change. My surgeon warned me of complications, of the need for corrective surgery and the weight loss I could expect. I answered him with the firm knowledge that my "Hairy Guardian Angel" would take care of it. I was right. 80kg, no corrective surgery and no complications.
What I would give to see my friend, to have one of his big bear hugs and to hear his laugh again! But as he was my soul mate, the gifts he gave to me still keep giving. I am healthier than I have ever been thanks to him. I have the love of my life still by my side thanks to him. I have amazing family & friends that I can say are thanks to him because he taught me how to be a friend.
Today I am sad. I miss him. I will always love him, not as the love of my life, but as my soul mate.
To not declare that would be to not honour him. So my friend "To thine ownself be true"
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