Love It

I wonder how many times I've said those words. Probably the best way to describe that would be the good old "If I had a dollar..........."  For these words, I'd be living in a riverside mansion I reckon. This morning I was wondering why. The scenario that came to me was that of helping my kids. I've tried to as much for them as I can without making them into needy dependants. I've succeeded in that I think. There are three kind, considerate, caring and extremely capable individuals walking the earth. I'm so proud of them. Yet I still offer to help with tasks that I know they are more capable than I am of achieving. It must drive them mental. They must think to themselves "Oh crap! Why does she do this?"  So I thought about why I do it. Their reaction is theirs to own, but why do I do it? So here's an example of where I wanted my parent to parent-up and do the damned job. To ask if they could help. Damn it. I just wanted them to help. To...

Today the day of love and romance. Of flowers, treats and special moments.  I love Valentines Day. I really do. It’s rare I haven’t been treated like a queen on this day by the most amazing man in the world. In my current introspection state of 2020, it is making me think deeper.  In the shower of course. Most of my deepest thoughts are there because it was one of the few places I could think as a live at home junior adult/child. Not for long, but there were moments. So unconditional love.  I’ve heard it said by people who leave their partners within a relatively short time. I’ve heard it said followed by the word “but” which always negates everything before it. I’ve heard it said by someone I know didn’t mean it, thankfully not to me. I have loved unconditionally and I do love unconditionally. I often say to my kids I love them totally. I like that word better.  It says it all.  There is no part of them I don’t love.  I love their tempers, their faul...

I must be getting older! My recovery times both physical and mental are getting slower. A car crash has left me with some painful areas that I never thought I would have. It's limited my activities and busy-ness of life to a small extent.  That's a double edged sword as it's given me time to think as well. Thinking is good when you are removed from a toxic influence as you start to see things more clearly and more calmly. What I've found most interesting is my level of exhaustion.  A lovely lady I know lives in a frenetic household due to a family member with a disability. She made a comment about exhaustion levels when adrenaline and cortisol (flight or fright hormones) subside after a particularly long bout of action.  I realised that since not being in contact with my major trigger person that these levels that have been heightened for years have started to subside. So I'm feeling tired. I'm having to lower my action levels due to back pain and the tw...