Graduation Day

 For the first time this year on Mother's Day I'm the top of the food chain. I'm no longer a daughter, but I am a mother and a grandmother.

What a shift in dynamics! 

All my life I dreaded Mother's Day. It was Judgement Day in my mind. The day where no matter what I did, had done, or promised to do was not going to be good enough. My faults would be identified and glorified and my redeeming qualities paled into insignificance. The stress levels would rise to obscene levels and I felt physically ill.

When I was younger I would attempt to outdo my previous years efforts in generosity. No point. I would over-organise and plan and create. No point. 

The years between when my grandmother died and this year were the hardest. Grandma was the most appreciative woman and any efforts were highly rewarded and acknowledged. Her loss was huge not just to me, but I think to everyone who knew her. Even three decades later, people still say she was a star.

So this year, I'm the oldest woman in my family line. I find it a joy and a privilege. I love my kids more than anything and the incredible love of being a grandmother is second to none. 

Weirdly I'm going away to somewhere I love to do something I love and not be with the someones I love. That will be different. In years gone by that would have given me anxiety and sadness. I would have felt that if I wasn't there on that exact day then they wouldn't love me. I would have felt a failure. 

Now though, I acknowledge I'm a mum 365 days a year, not 1. I get to do great things with my family often, and distance doesn't stop communication, or love, or enjoyment. 

I'm fully embracing Graduation Day. I'm the top of the food chain. I love my family. 

Focusing on the future and the todays of life is so much more rewarding than focusing on the past. 

For those who miss their Mums on Mothers Day, then think of it as Graduation Day. They have left you physically, but you learned from them, and that can't be taken away. Do things to honour their memory and create new ones for the next generations. 

We have choices. Lots of them. We can dwell on the past, or we can honour the past and move to the future.

Happy Graduation Day!